Starting this I was finding it difficult getting certain shots from my mind on to paper, so instead of drawing out an animatic I wanted to try and get a better sense of the way in which the camera would move within a scene and how each scene would transition from one to another so I decided to create a very rough but useful "pre-vis".
As myself and Phil previously spoke about the ending shot (The character looking on towards the island he has escaped from) I haven't added that as the goal for this piece of work was to get an idea as to what would happen within the middle of the animation.
The ending feels slightly up in the air at the moment, again after watching it I feel it can be far simpler that I first thought, my first thoughts were to have the character escape, celebrate his freedom but then have to struggle yet again to completely make it out, but as I am typing this I feel like this idea adds maybe a little too much story to the animation considering it is a 'short'. I have added captions to the video to help give more of a description as to what is going on.
As I previously said I do feel that giving the character yet another escape scene at the end may be too much so, after looking at this I feel that personally I have a better sense of the direction the film should go, the ending still being the character escaping but within ACT 2 I feel he should definitely face some small challenges, which restrict him from getting to his goal which is to find the elevator out. But before this, to get there he must face things like, corridors filled with lasers in which he must zig zag his way through etc.
Personally I love shows like 'Fairly Odd Parents' 'Spongebob Squarepants' so there are times where I wanted to get certain things that the creators of those shows do within this animation so it ends up being fun and slightly surreal with characters appearing in one place then instantly in another, hopefully this can be seen within some shots. I am feeling very optimistic about this idea, the more I work on it the more I feel that it is begin to take the shape of something that audiences will like.
Hey Tom,
ReplyDeleteOkay - so, I'm going to be super-honest; what's clear from this pre-vis (and I think working in this way at this early stage is a great idea and absolutely right) is that you've got a keen eye for composition and a filmic instinct for the 'wipe cut' and you're moving your character through space dynamically - so, the good news is, in terms of your 'directorial eye' this is very encouraging.
You seem a bit shy of committing to some actual action: you're right, it's not enough that your guy runs along some corridors and finds a lift. There's no jeopardy there, no 'high-stakes' stuff, so yes, your ACT 2 needs some 'action and adventure' :)
That said, you're still struggling I think to nail the tone/purpose/point of us sitting through your animated short. I'm still not clear at all what you want me to feel about any of this and without the ending, I'm unsure too as to the tone of this piece. I do feel like I'm going to sound like a pirate's parrot here, but I just want to know what I'm supposed to feel about your character's predicament.
So - what I'm writing next presumes that the ending of your story hasn't changed - which is that your character discovers that they haven't in fact escaped - hence everything seeming rather too convenient. I suppose what I can't get past is how 'depressing' this ending is and by 'depressing' I mean 'good' - I LIKE this ending, I always have, but I'm still not sure you're acknowledging what this means for your story and your audience.
I do have a suggestion, Tom - it changes your story not at all, but it does provide a proper ending, an explanation for why the character is let out of his cell in the first place (those malfunctioning holo-bars are a bit suspect after all!) and why he's returned to it after everything he's achieved, and it does make an integrated use of your future/sci-fi/dystopia setting...
When I think about your story - this island comprising prison cells and prisoners - prisoners who break out of their confines, exerting a lot of energy, before being returned to their cells - I think about this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUzLcbiImWY
and I'm reminded of this:
https://vimeo.com/99662154
I'm wondering if, after your character escapes so conveniently from his cell, undergoes lots of physical exertion in terms of escaping the maze etc, and then, just when he thinks he's out, he's actually 'back in'... if a final shot might tell us something about the purpose of this strange facility, that rather like the hamster powering the light in the video, this facility is a sort of power-plant deriving energy from the Sissyphian efforts of its inmates - it would just be a small addition - a punchline, if you like - but it would give you a story in addition to a plot. This ending could be funny or it could be dystopian or most likely a hybrid of both.
Just in simple storytelling terms, I'd suggest that the first shot of your story would need to be your character arriving in his cell - through a chute, through a door whatever - so when, at the end of his escape, he arrives back into his prison, his arrival is a shot we've already seen before - it will cement the audience's understanding of the loop he's in much more immediately.
So - in summary then:
1) This is still a plot in search of a story. As I've said before, it doesn't need much, and maybe think about that hamster in its wheel.
2) Act 2 needs conspicuous action and adventure or your audience won't engage with your character's plight and therefore won't 'feel' the ending.
3) I really like your use of wipe cuts, composition etc.
I see what you mean, I like your idea of the island being a power-plant type place taking energy from the inmate, like a hamster on a wheel. I will get to work writing up some ideas and some quick storyboard panels to get a sense of story/action and will get back to you
ReplyDeleteThanks Phil! :)
Note: The phrase 'turning the screw' in relation to doing time in a prison comes from Scotland. In a Scottish prison, prisoners were told to repeatedly turn a handle (screw) which was mounted on the wall of their cells. There were never told why they were turning the screw. In reality there was no function, all the screw did was churn sand on the other side of the wall. It was purely an exercise in punishment.
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